Teaching Your Child
To Share

Sharing is a concept that children have to learn. For most children it is difficult for them to see their possessions in the hands of another. I remember one of the first words my youngest child learned was “mine” and she used it frequently. Teaching child to share is difficult because children do not understand that if someone uses their toy it is still theirs. In their mind the other child is taking the toy and it will no longer be theirs. So we have to teach them and help them understand that sharing a toy does not mean giving, just lending it for a little while.

Teaching to share can seem like an impossible task. It is one of constant reminding. Toddlers often play side by side instead of together. So having a variety of the same type of toys helps reduce the amount of fighting. You can also put out toys that can be played with cooperatively like blocks or play dishes and food.

Often you can eliminate problems by buying more than one of the same items. My girls are only nineteen months apart in age. They like many of the same things. So I try and buy two of the same type of items for Christmas and even sometimes birthdays. Recently my daughter received two Disney princess dolls for her birthday. Because I knew that her sister would want one to play with too.

When your preschool age child has a play-date have them pick out five to six toys that they are willing to share. Then discuss how they have to let their friend play with those toys. Then put the rest away. This way your child feels that they have some control over the situation. If problems arise simply remind your child that they picked which toys to share and agreed that they would. At this age children are also old enough to understand that when the other child goes home they will still have their toys.

Of course there will be fights. You can try a variety of methods. Simply take the toy away from both children and explain that since they can’t share they will both have to find something else to play with. I have also set a timer and then when the buzzer dings the other child gets to play with the toy. For younger children I often distract them with another toy that is similar or different.

There are a few toys that I do not require my children to share. They each have a special stuffed animal and blanket that they sleep with and treasure. I never require them to share them with their siblings or friends.

My girls are four and three and there are moments where they fight over the same toy and have a hard time sharing. Then there are the moments I treasure when one will say to the other, “It’s okay. You can play with it.”