A person who leads a self-reliant living is able to think for himself. He trusts his own judgment and
is in control of his life. The child who is self-reliant will be more active, independent, and
competent. She will have the inner resources necessary to cope with situations on her own.
Building self-reliance within your child is a balancing act. If you don’t give your
child enough independence and freedom they will come to depend upon you for everything, be afraid
to make decisions for themselves, and not be confident in their own ability. On the other hand if
you let go to soon then your child may end up feeling insecure, not sure that they can trust you or
themselves.
Start building self-reliance in your children while they are young. Allow and encourage them to
do the things that they can do. Before she was two my youngest daughter would often take her
clothes away from me and say, “No I do it.” She was asserting her independence and I allowed her
to do it. As a result she felt confident and proud of her abilities. Some children take longer to
develop their confidence. I often have to remind my older daughter that she can do things for herself.
She would rather mom do it than try and fail. Yet when I encourage her to try again she usually succeeds.
When your children are a little older start teaching them about responsibility and help build a self-reliant living. Teach them how
to budget, save, cook, clean, and do necessary household tasks. So that when the time comes that they are on
their own they will know how to do everything they need to. Too often today young adults still depend on
their parents for things they should be doing themselves.
Hold children accountable for the tasks that have been assigned to them. Whether that is household
chores or school work. Children often rise to the occasion when they realize that if they don’t
complete a task it will not get done.
Allow children the opportunity to make choices. When they are young let them choose those
things that they can like what to play, wear, or eat. Get them used to making choices and
exercising their decision making process. As your child grows allow them the choice of playing
sports, musical instruments, a dance class, or nothing at all. Don’t force your child to be
involved in something that doesn’t interest them just because it is your dream.
Encourage your child to set goals and work to achieve them as practice to teach self-reliance.
Remember they must be your child’s goals and not yours. Allow your child to choose the type of
classes that they want to take and the career path they want to follow. I read an article the
other day about a college student and his parent that were talking to the student’s college
advisor. The parent informed the advisor that his son needed to take math and science classes
because his son was going to become a doctor. After the parent left the son told the advisor
that he had no interest in becoming a doctor and preferred literature and art classes. The parent
was so determined that his child be successful that he didn’t give his son a chance to be
self-reliant and choose for himself.
If your child wants to try something new don’t hover or constantly give them instructions about
how to do it right. Let your child try it on their own if they make a mistake they will learn
from it and grow. When they do achieve they will feel confident and empowered.
Encourage your child to think for himself. If he has a problem don’t rush to his aid. Tell him
to think about it on his own and see if he can reach a solution. If not talk about it and guide
him to the answer instead of telling him what to do. This way he will learn to think and reason
for himself.
Do not make your approval conditional upon success. I will always remember being at one
of my brother’s baseball games and hearing another father berating is son for striking out
and ignoring the home run he scored earlier. Praise your child for their efforts. Because if
they tried that is what matters.
We all want our children to become happy successful adults and one way we can help them
along the way is to teach them to be self-reliant.
