Resolving Marital Conflict
by Teresa, The CuteKid™ Staff|
In a perfect world couples would never fight, but today’s world is far from perfect. Even in the
happiest marriages couples will disagree on things, but it how they handle the disagreement and
solve martial conflicts is important.
When you and your spouse disagree the most important things is to keep your voice under control. Maintain an even and level tone. Don’t resort to yelling. Stay focused on the topic at hand. Do not bring up old arguments or insults. They are in the past and should have been forgiven and forgotten already. Use “I” language instead of “You” language. Make the disagreement about how you feel and what you want, not what you want your spouse to do or not do. When you use “you” language you are essentially saying that your spouse is completely at fault. It also puts your spouse on the defensive. When you use “I” language you are accepting some of the blame and want to find a way to resolve things. Practice active listening. This means that you truly listen to the words that your spouse is saying, not just what you think they are saying and do not interrupt. This shows that you care enough to listen. You also cannot come to the disagreement with prior assumptions. Too often we assume that our spouse meant to do something or imply something that they did not. By engaging in active listening we can learn our spouse’s true intentions. Marriage is often about compromise. You may both have different opinions about solving a martial conflict. Start with the things that you have in common and work from there. Remember that both of you may be right. So you have to find something that you can both live with. Never argue in front of your children. When you argue in front of someone you are essentially inviting him or her to participate in the disagreement. Children should not be caught in the middle. According to studies done at both Brown and Auburn Universities school-age children lose at least thirty minutes of sleep each night when their parents are involved in moderate levels of martial conflict. When you have disagreements or conflicts discuss them in private. I never remember my parent’s fighting although I know they didn’t always agree. I try to follow their example in my own marriage. No marriage is perfect but you don’t have to allow martial conflicts to ruin the harmony in your home. |
