Beat The Bullies

Bullying is an increasing problem among elementary students and parents constantly seek measures to prevent child bullying. In fact, in a recent study at the University of Washington elementary students were surveyed. Of the 3530 students surveyed 22% said they had been involved in child bullying as victims, bullies, or both. "The prevalence of frequent child bullying is growing at school. Associations between bullying involvement and school problems indicate this is a serious issue for elementary schools.” According to Dr. Duane Alexander, director of the National Institute of Child Health, “Being bullied is not just an unpleasant rite of passage through childhood. It's a public health problem that merits attention. People who were bullied as children are more likely to suffer from depression and low self esteem, well into adulthood, and the bullies themselves are more likely to engage in criminal behavior later in life."

How to prevent your child to becoming a bully? Although schools usually have a no bullying policy teachers and administrators rarely see the bullying happen. So parents are a child’s first line of defense against bullies. To help prevent or combat bullying it is important to arm your child with the appropriate defense tactics.

1. Define what child bullying is. Explain to your child what bullying is and how to prevent from becoming a bully. Let them know that if someone calls them names, pushes them, threatens them, or takes anything that is there that it is bullying.

2. Teach prevention tactics. Teach your child what they should say if someone starts teasing them. Give them phrases like, “Stop teasing me!” or “Leave me alone,” to use when bullying happens. Let them know that they can also be silent and just walk away. Let them know that if any bullying happens they need to find an adult and tell them. They also need to tell you right when they get home. Last year at recess another boy bullied my son. We talked daily about what he could do and say to protect himself. My son was reluctant to stand up for himself at first, but after enough coaching finally stood up to beat out bullying.

3. Stay in contact with the school. Talk to your child’s teacher about any child bullying behavior. That way he or she can be on the look at and help put protective measures into place. You can also notify the bus driver. The boy that bullied my son last year is in his class this year. I notified the teacher before school even started and asked her not to place them in groups together. I also frequently call to make sure there are no problems.

4. Encourage friendships. Encourage your child to build a friendship with another child. There is strength in numbers. If your child has a close friend that will stand by him the bully will be less likely to attack. My son had a good friend last year that the bully was afraid of. When he was with his friend the bully left him alone.

For every child being bullied there is a bully. Most parents do not want to believe that their child could actually be a bully. When I moved to a new school some local boys bullied me. When I complained about it my parents, who knew the boys’ parents, talked to them. The parents basically downplayed the situation, not wanting to accept that their child could be a bully. As a result the bullying did not stop but escalated. It wasn’t until the boys broke the windshield of my uncle’s car while throwing rocks at me, and the police were called, that the bullying was taken seriously. At that point the blatant bullying stopped, but the damage had already been done. I was labeled and no one wanted to be my friend. Luckily the next year I went to junior high where there were many kids who did not know me previously and I was able to make friends.

If you are contacted by the school or a child’s parents for bullying take it seriously. Research has found that those that bully are as unhappy in school as the children they are bullying. There are often underlying issues of insecurity and unhappiness. Dr. Kraizer tells parents to focus on several key points when dealing with a child who is being a bully:

1. Let your child know that bullying is not acceptable.

2. Teach your child alternate behaviors. Give them ideas about what they can do if they are feeling frustrated, angry, or aggressive. Role-play and act out the new behaviors.

3. Specify the consequences that will happen if the bullying continues. The boy who bullied my son knows that if he bullies he will receive a spanking and be grounded. His mother has also told him that she will come to school and spend the day with him.

4. Limit the amount of violence that your child is exposes to. Child bullying can be a learned behavior. If your child watches violence on T.V. or plays violent video games they are more likely to be violent themselves. Also be aware of how you react to situations, your child might have learned the aggressive behavior from you.