Making Parental Decisions Together

It is important that as parents you present a united front for your children. This parental secrets prevent one spouse from feeling resentful or receiving a lack of respect from the children. It also sets boundaries for your children and makes them feel safer as they realize that their parents are united.

Children will try to play their parents against each other unless their parents make a united stand. If your child asks to do something that is out of the ordinary, check with your spouse before saying yes. This is important for two reasons. First of all if your child has already asked your spouse and received a no it prevents your child from trying to receive a more satisfactory answer from you. Second you will ascertain your spouse’s feelings and concerns on the topic before making a decision.

One parent should not share parental secrets with their children and tell them not to tell the other parent or allow the child to do something one spouse is firmly against. This undermines the one parent’s authority and teaches the child that it is okay to not listen to the other parent.

It is important that parents have the same feelings regarding a certain topic. I don’t believe in giving my children caffeinated soda, something my husband doesn’t agree with completely. So my husband would occasionally give my son Mt. Dew then tell him not to tell me. So my husband and I had to have a long talk on the subject of soda and decide what we were going to do. This way we were united on the topic.

If you do have disagreements about what you should or should not allow your children to do discuss it in private. Tell your child that this is a topic that you will need to discuss. Then talk about it privately. After a decision has been reached tell your child together. Both parent wants to be a good spouse. So sharing the decision making responsibility ensures that you your child will not be mad or happy with just one parent but both together.

Growing up we would always ask my mother when we wanted to do something because she was more likely to say yes. But my parents were united and she would usually take the request to my father before making a final decision.

Making decisions together will cause your children to have more respect for you. They will learn to listen to both parents. They will be more likely to stay within the rules that you have set because they know that one parent won’t change their mind. Otherwise they will constantly be trying to manipulate the “weaker” parent to get the things that they want.

Next time your child asks for something consult your spouse first and take a united stand.