Parenting is not easy but one thing that can make the process simpler is
writing a parent child contract. A contract creates rules and consequences
that both the parent and child can agree on. It is also a useful tool to
help your child set and achieve certain goals.
A parent child contract helps keep communication between parent and
child open. Anna Leung has used contracts since her son was in middle
school. She says, "Creating such contracts has helped my son and I communicate
what and why things are important to us as individuals and as a team… It
eliminates a lot of arguments.”
For example in Anna and her son's contract he "agrees to keep up with
his grades, good nutrition, curfews, limits electronic game time, and
recreational internet use; and I agree to respect his privacy, choice of
sport activity, clothing, music, and friends; all under conditions that
are detailed, flexible, and livable for both of us." Contracts have consequences
that go both ways; both the parent and the child are responsible to see that the
contract is upheld.
Contracts worked so well for her and her son that she created
Cohesi.com, a site that offers free information and tools to help parents
write and manage contracts. The goal is to create a document that meets the
goals of both parties.
The authors of Common Sense Parenting suggest that parents start with a
few things that they would like their child to do and have their child
also write down or dictate a few things that they want. Once the list is
completed then it is time to write the contract.
Identify the goals of both the parent and the child. Try and match
the goal that you have with a desire that your child has. For example you
may want your child to keep their room clean. They may desire an extra hour
of T.V.
Write what you expect your child to do. In the
example above you would write that you expect your child to keep their room
clean. You could list specifics like making the bed each day, putting clothes
away, and picking up any items off the floor.
Write down what your child wants. If your child
wants an extra hour of T.V. write this down.
Leave the contract open for a week or two so
that progress can be reviewed. This is a time to see if both parties can
abide by the rules in the contract. If not renegotiate the contract until
both parties are satisfied.
At the end of the trial period sign and
date the contract. In doing so both the child and parent agree to abide
by the contract and feel that the contract is fair.
Try writing a parent child contract with your child to help them reach goals
that you would like to have them accomplish like doing their homework or coming
home on time. The nice thing is that since your child also gets something that
they want like having friends over they are more likely to uphold the contract. Leaving
both parent and child happy.
