10 Things That Can Hurt
A Marriage

There are numerous articles written about what things can benefit a marriage and how to improve your marriage. But sometimes it is helpful to be reminded of the attitudes and behaviors that can hurt a marriage. If we can recognize the things that we are doing that
are harming our marriage then we can work on them. Eliminating the bad things can at
times be more helpful than adding good things.

Here are 10 of the most common things that couples do that can hurt their marriage.

1. Talking badly about your spouse. One of the things that my husband and I agreed on when we got married was that we would not talk badly about each other to other people. When we have a problem we discuss it with each other instead of others. Occasionally we discuss problems with family but try to focus on positive attributes as well.

2. Repeating the same behaviors. If your spouse is constantly asking
you to take out the garbage can or you continue to use the same degrading tone then you are showing your spouse that you are not willing to change. You are in effect saying that you have no remorse for your actions. It is hard to break bad habits but being willing to try is half the battle.

3. Talking at your spouse. Oftentimes one partner will talk at their spouse instead of with their spouse. Talking at your spouse means that you don’t take time to listen to the other person. You tell them what you want or expect instead of discussing the situation. This type of talk puts your spouse on the defensive and is insulting. If your spouse is tense and avoids conversations chances you have been talking at them instead of with them.

4. Not listening. Listening is so important. That means when your spouse is talking that you stop and really listen. It is so easy to tune a person out when you are busy or the subject matter is not a topic you are interested in. My husband loves jeeps and dirt bikes. As a result his conversation often revolves around these topics. I really try to listen to him because I know it is important to him, even though it doesn’t interest me much. I now know quite a bit about the topics myself.

5. Not saying please and thank you. It is easy to forget these simple words. But using them acknowledges that you appreciate your spouse and recognize the things that they do for you. It also shows that you are appreciative instead of demanding. Your spouse will be more likely to do things for you when you say please and thank you.

6. Don’t say I’m sorry. Saying I’m sorry to your spouse shows that you realize you made a mistake. We all make mistakes, but being willing to admit it is difficult. Even if what you did was unintentional saying sorry goes a long way to making your spouse feel better. After all how hard is it to say two words if doing it improves your relationship.

7. Being late. Being late is annoying, rude, and arrogant. If you are constantly late it sends the message to your spouse that they are not worth being on time for, making them feel uncared for and unimportant. Sometimes being late cannot be helped, but since most people have a cell phone it is a simple thing to call your spouse and let them know.

8. Jumping to conclusions. It is easy to assume that we know exactly what our spouse is thinking or feeling. But often we are wrong. It is better to ask than to assume. We also need to be careful that we do not take the things that are said the wrong way and assume that they meant something when they did not.

9. Playing the victim. If you always play the victim your spouse will soon lose sympathy for you. Whether it is at work, in your relationship, or other areas. When we were first married my husband hated that I would cry at every conflict. My tears made him feel guilty when he wasn’t always at fault. I had to learn to not react with tears every time.

10. Spending excessively. One of the top causes of divorce is money. Often couples have different spending habits. It is easy to let this cause conflict in your marriage. Agree on a budget for each of you then stick to the budget. This is something that we have had to do in our own marriage.