Bragging and Showing Off

At a young age children learn to say, “Look at me” or “Watch me.” Many love to have an adult’s attention. I stood behind a man and his four-year-old daughter when I was waiting to vote. She immediately introduced herself to me. Then she proceeded to do somersaults and cartwheels on the grass while calling “Watch me.” But at what point does a child’s showing
off turn into a problem?

When children are young they tend to tolerate other children’s showing off. They either ignore the behavior or gather around the child showing off. As a parent we encourage our young children to be proud of their accomplishments. The first time my daughter peed in the potty I had her call her dad and grandma to receive their praise. According to Dr. Marvin Berkowitz, a professor character education, boasting among preschoolers is healthy.
"One of the most important tasks for a child is to develop a sense of herself as a causal agent -- that she is successful and can make things happen.”

Children are told by their parents that they can do things and they accept the fact. They are also more than willing to tell anyone that will listen that they can count to 10, shoot a basket, or know their full name. They don’t understand that they might hurt someone else’s feelings by celebrating their own accomplishments.

Experts say that it is fine to let your child express delight in their own accomplishments, as long as they aren’t doing so because they feel pleasure in being able to do something better than someone else. Your response as a parent can help teach your child to be sensitive to other children’s feelings.

As they get older their reasons for child’s bragging change as well. If a child is showing off significantly more than her peers it may mean that she doesn’t get enough approval from her parents. So she boasts about herself to feel valued. Some children may brag about themselves because they are unsure of themselves and want to be accepted. On the other hand it could mean that the child receives too much praise and feels that boasting about herself is just fine.

But as children grow they need to learn that constantly bragging and showing off are no longer acceptable. Children will ignore and dislike those that are constantly boasting about their own skills and showing off the things that they can do.

As a parent you can help a child that has a habit of boasting by increasing their self-confidence. Help them realize that they do have worth independent of what anyone else thinks. Praising your child in private will help him realize that he does not need to boast of his own accomplishments. Point out how their bragging might hurt other children’s feelings. You might try role-playing with your child with you doing the bragging so he can understand how his bragging appears to others.

Bragging is something that most children engage in, but as they get older it is important that they understand that bragging and showing off are not appropriate.