Proverbs 22:6 ‘Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent), and when he is old he will not depart from it’ The Amplified Bible

The Amplified Bible expands on this text and leaves the reader with a guideline other than ‘should go’ ie ‘in keeping with his/her individual gift or bent.’

So, we know that one aspect of successful Christian parenting, according to God’s Word, is that when you train your child you take into account their individual gift or bent. What does this mean?

Children come with varied personalities. Each child is made uniquely, an original creation of God. Each child has a God-given identity that is theirs and theirs alone. If you have more than one child you will know how true this is!

How boring the world would be if God had made us all alike. We know this, and yet for some reason, when it comes to parenting we often try to make our children mini-alikes of ourselves. Often this is because it’s more convenient than taking the time to find a way ‘in keeping with his individual gift or bent’. And we often feel better when others are doing things our way, especially children. Although God says that children must obey and honor their parents, He also says not to frustrate them.

Colossians 3:21 ‘Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them) lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit)’ The Amplified Bible

Personality differences between parent and child can cause conflict. For example, you enjoy everything in its place; your child seems to create chaos wherever they go. You love mixing with other people; your child is happiest when playing alone in their room. You love exercising and being outdoors; your child is content staying inside reading, or playing quietly. Trying to make your child fit your personality style will certainly end up in frustration and conflict.

So, the best place to start is to know your child’s personality. Personality has many facets rather like a beautiful diamond. There are a variety of education materials available to help you to learn more about personality styles.

This article will concentrate on one of the facets: the three main ways we remember information. We are always learning and the way God made us to best remember these ‘learnings’ will come through as part of our personality.

KINESTHETIC Child

This child loves to use their body and move a lot. Their restless and animated behaviour seems never ending! Don’t expect them to sit still for long; God didn’t make them to do that.

Hint: Give this child a lot of exercise and provide activities that use their hands and legs.

For example:

* any jobs that require moving from one place to another

* making things

* going for a walk every day

* involvement in sporting groups

* provide something for them to doodle on during ‘quiet’ times.

AUDITORY Child

This child talks and talks about everything and anything! They don’t need you to answer, just listen. Every decision they make involves talking it through first. However, children who are very auditory may be distracted by noise, and will often enjoy times of quiet.

Hint: Give this child time to down-load about their daily events, ideas, problems and dreams.

For example:

* after school, have a time set aside when you both sit down and listen to what’s happened in their day

* give them an opportunity to make up stories (be prepared – it’s unlikely to have a quick ending!)

* if your child has to concentrate, ensure that their environment is free from noisy distractions such as TV, loud music, and other children playing.

VISUAL Child

This child captures the world through pictures, diagrams, charts, drawings, photographs etc. They understand better when something visual is included.

Hint: Use charts and drawings rather than just words when explaining what you want. Give them an opportunity to show you what they think through visual means.

For example:

* on the calendar, use pictures to represent events eg. cake = birthday party

* when explaining where you are going use a map and show them the route

* give them an opportunity to draw when explaining something to you

Watch your child and learn to recognise their particular ‘bent’. Also recognise your own particular bent. You may find that you’ve been trying to ‘bend’ your child to fit your individual personality. Once you learn to work with their personality style, this will help you communicate more effectively with your child.