"Dad, I dont wanna practice violin today!"

Ive heard it. Ive even said it! (Ive even thought it when I was the "Dad" involved, not the student!)

"Dad, Im not gonna practice violin today!"

There are times that you hear a student say that, and you can tell that if something doesnt change there is going to be a knock-down drag-out fight. And frankly, nobody wins then.

How can we handle this situation?

1. Pause. Backing off isnt backing down. Take a two minute pause with something productive. Perhaps a bow game or a favorite tune. Game-based finger exercises can be effective. Back off and do something more effective. Maybe even a brief visit to a place like our daily music history or daily tip page can be useful.

2. Be sympathetic about competing issues. Life is complicated, even for young students. It may not be a sign of defiance, just something else going on right now. A scheduling conflict (But I wont be able to play with Katie after practice, she has a softball game), other issues (My teacher says I need to have three books read by the end of the week) or some other concern (Dexter says only nerds play violin) can dramatically change a students attitude toward practice. Listen and respond appropriately.

3. Be clear with expectations. Tell the student what you expect done and why you want that done at the same time. It helps them understand why the task is important and may change their attitude. "Mortimer, we need to get work on that piece every day for 5 minutes. Every time you do that you get a little bit better. Once we get really good at it your teacher may let you move on to Book 3! Just think how proud Mrs. Snurdley will be when she tells you that!"

4. Make your expectations age- and stage-appropriate. A 12-year-old can certainly be expected to remember to practice for 30 minutes, but a 6-year-old cant focus for that long.

5. Be clear with consequences. Consequences need to be appropriate and make sense to the task at hand.

6. Heres one I need to work on. Stay calm. If you get angry, your child will focus on your anger, rather than on the task. A quiet voice and redirection almost always work better than sarcasm, threats, and guilt-trips. If you find yourself getting upset, review Point 1.

Finally, catch your student being good -- often. Express your approval. A child will catch those good words and turn his attitude on a dime, if the words ring true. So dont just spit compliments out. Watch for the good points (They really ARE there.), and let your student know that you appreciate them.

About the Author

Arthur Haule has played the violin for more than 40 years. He has played in classical and non-classical organizations . . . everything from opera to Broadway musicals. Now the webmaster of http://www.violinstudent.com, his purpose is to help students develop and maintain their interest in playing the King of Strings.