The most important advice on how to become a better parent than you are presently is (dont laugh) to do something and dont just sit and philosophize about the definition of a good parent, how good parenting affects our society, or even what is the best way to become one. Until you DO something, nothing will change.

This might sound obvious but, unfortunately, many parents spend hours and hours, night after night, month after month surfing the web or reading parenting articles about how to become a better parent. They read until their head bursts with inspiration, anecdotes, and learning the steps to become a better parent but, unfortunately, they never do anything with all that they learnt so obviously they never see results.

If the above describes you then it is important that you are aware of four ways in which excessive research and planning can sabotage your success of truly becoming a better parent.

* ILLUSION: When we plan and research too much we think that we have already arrived at the goal so we stop working to that end. This idea was beautilfuly written in a parable by Aesop many years ago.

Patty the Milkmaid was going to market carrying her milk in apail on her head. As she went along she began calculating what she would do with the money she would get for the milk. "Ill buy some fowls from Farmer Brown," said she, "and they will lay eggs each morning, which I will sell to the parsons wife.

With the money that I get from the sale of these eggs Ill buy myself a beautiful new dress and hat; and when I go to market, wont all the young men come up and speak to me! Polly Shaw will be that jealous; but I dont care. I shall just look at her and toss my head like this. As she spoke she tossed her head back, the Pail fell off it, and all the milk was spilt. So she had to go home and tell her mother what had occurred.

"Ah, my child," said the mother,

"Do not count your chickens before they are hatched."

* DETERIORATION: Problem situations that are not dealt with usually grow worse with time, no matter how justified and honorable the reason. For instance, if your child has a tooth ache but you dont want to bring him to a dentist until you do extensive research on different modern methods of filling cavities, who is the best dentist in your neighborhood and the least painful way of doing it. Although you only have little Johnys best interest in mind, if you dont get him to a dentist this little cavity could develop into a root canal!

Remember, a lot of problems require immediate action before the situation becomes irreversible.

* INFERIOR LEARNING METHOD: Active, "hands on", learning is much more effective than passive learning. When we only theorize or visualize situations we often miss little but very crucial points. (Like the first-time father who read manual after manual on how to change diapers. When the day came to change the first diaper he discovered that the baby doesnt stay in one place while being changed but cries and moves around. Yes, it was quite messy, but he quickly learnt how to do it.) Only when we actually carry out what we learn can we judge its effectiveness.

* CONFUSION: There are many effective and valid ways to become a better parent but a lot of them contradict each other. Some maintain that you develop your childrens ability to express themselves and others maintain that you develop your childs productiveness. Some maintain you to be authoritative and others that you be permissive. Most have validity but it is impossible to do both of them. (Did you ever try to turn left and right at the same time?) Therefore, too much research can paralyze you by all of the different methods and you end up doing nothing

One last point. Dont get me wrong. Im not suggesting not to do research. On the contrary, if you dont where you are going you surely wont get there. Im only saying, for your own sake and for the sake of your children, dont get stuck researching what to do. Rather after you find some good advice ; take immediate action and do something to truly become a better parent!

Shevach Pepper is the happy father of 12 children. He is a family/parent/life coach helping successful people to utilize their professional skills in their personal life. For free tips on family matters and solid parenting advice visit http://www.greatfamilyman.com