"Im Not Going to School This Year!" Four Back to School Tips for Parents with Kids Who Hate ChangeKids are getting ready for school... and change. A new school year can mean new friends, a new teacher, a new schedule, or even a different school. All that change can be scary. Your child may be wondering, Will my teacher be mean? Will the kids like me? Will I be able to find my room the first day?
And how do you feel about these changes? Are you ready for a new schedule and daily obligations: morning routines, homework, reviewing the days events? How prepared are you to handle the coming school year?
To rev up for change, lets take a look at some of the challenges and opportunities your child might face and how you both can make a smooth shift from summer to school.
Lets meet Sam.
Sam is an easygoing 8-year-old boy who loves playing with his friends and family. Hes typically the first to answer the phone, plead for play dates, or keep the conversation going at home.
As summer ends, though, Sam is spending more time on his own. His parents monitor this change and increasingly find Sam alone on his bed staring at the ceiling. As the sunny days pass by, Sam sleeps more, eats less and doesnt seem to care about much of anything.
Concerned, Sams parents ask him about his feelings, but he doesnt want to talk. When they ask if hed like to meet his school friends in the park he shrugs his shoulders and says hed rather stay home.
Then one morning Sam refuses to get out of bed and announces that hes not going to school this year. His parents glance at each other and ask if something bad happened at school. No, says Sam. Im just not going. He rolls over on his bed and faces the wall. After a while Sams parents convince him at least to get out of bed.
Later that day, Sams parents contact his school and ask for advice. Theyre relieved to learn that Sams behaviour is natural for kids returning to school. Even with school transition programs its common for children to resist going back at school.
Transition can be scary, and returning to school can be a big change after a carefree summer. Heres what you can do to assist your child with the shift back to school... and how to cope with your own feelings about the coming changes.
Feel Good: Celebrate when summertime changes into school time. Start a fun back-to-school tradition your child can look forward to as summer ends. And praise your child when they do a good job. Focus on their effort, not on accomplishment. This boosts their confidence and makes it easier to face new events. And you get to feel good, too. The beginning of a school year means another successful milestone in your life as well.
Awareness: Ask your childs teacher what he or she is teaching this year. Find out where your child excels and where you can help them improve. With a little preparation you can make homework sessions productive and fun. But dont do your childs homework, just be available when they need extra help. And heres one for you: If youre a stay-at-home parent you might feel a little lonely without your child around all day. Find ways to keep occupied or check in with other stay-at-home parents during the day for a little company.
Structure: Starting early with school rules, duties, and schedules can be a great way to ease into change. Begin your school-night sleep schedule a couple weeks early; assign a light chore; and play games with clear rules that encourage teamwork. Notice how these functions help structure the change thats coming in your life, too.
Communication: Talk to your child about school well before it begins; listen to them, and watch for behaviour changes. When you talk to them, focus on what they enjoy at school, but be realistic about their expectations to avoid possible disappointments. Now heres one for you: let you child know how these changes are affecting you, too. Help them understand that theyre not going through the changes alone and that its okay to feel a little uneasy. Also, attend school functions like meet the teacher nights. Get to know your childs teacher, what they expect from students this year, and how to reach them if needed.
About The Author
Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychia.





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