Since I gave up my job eighteen months ago and became a stay at home parent to my son, I have been a member of a wonderfully supportive online forum. We chat about many things but our children, being such a big part of our lives, are probably the main topic of our discussions. Every day there are posts about first smiles, first steps, cute things they have done ? all the little things that make motherhood wonderful. But the anonymity of the internet encourages a frankness and honesty that you wouldn?t necessarily encounter in ?real life? and there are also plenty posts about the less enjoyable side of parenthood. From this I have noticed one thing that all mums have in common. We feel guilty an awful lot.

Being bored

Caring for a baby or child can be a lot of fun but there?s no denying it can also be incredibly monotonous. Changing nappies (diapers), feeding your baby, trying to get them to sleep and singing endless nursery rhymes day after day can get repetitive, and leaves many parents feeling a little bored. And that is when guilt can set in. Surely you should love being with your child?

Think about a job you are doing now or have done in the past. Did you enjoy it? If you?re lucky the answer is yes. But even then there were almost certainly days you were bored, wished you were elsewhere or decided you needed a holiday. Parenthood is much the same. Needing a break sometimes doesn?t mean that on the whole you aren?t enjoying parenthood and it certainly doesn?t make you a bad parent.

Baby bumps his head

Not much makes a parent feel worse than when their child has a bump or fall that could have been prevented. For instance you may have carefully placed your non-crawling baby in the middle of your bed thinking they would be fine but three seconds after turning your back there is a thud and a lot of screaming. If this happens, check your child does not seem badly hurt and keep an eye on them for a while to check they do not become nauseous or unusually sleepy.

The huge majority of children, however, are absolutely fine after a little fall and there is neither physical nor emotional damage. It is also a very common occurrence. I?m not saying that it happens to every parent, but it certainly has to every one I?ve ever met. You?re bound to feel bad, but don?t dwell on it. Unfortunately accidents are always going to happen.

Shouting at your baby

Obviously shouting and swearing at your children on a daily basis is not acceptable behaviour. But losing your temper once in a while is going to be unavoidable. For instance, if they are being completely honest, a lot of mothers will admit to the rare occasion when they have shouted at their screaming baby at four o?clock in the morning, after they have been up all night because their baby just won?t sleep. The guilt is almost instantaneous; after all, the baby is already distressed and isn?t deliberately trying to annoy its parents.

But again, this is not something you should dwell on. The baby probably didn?t notice, certainly won?t remember and it definitely hasn?t emotionally scarred them. Unless you are superhuman or a saint, a baby is going to push you to your limits sometimes and you need to accept there will be moments when you will lose your temper. However, if you become so stressed you are afraid you may harm the baby contact a helpline such as Cry-sis and talk to one of their advisors for help.

These are only a few of the examples I have come across ? and experienced ? of parental guilt. Next time you are feeling guilty and like you must be a terrible parent, ask yourself this ? why are you feeling guilty? Is it because you want to do everything you can to make sure your child is happy and well cared for or you want to be a perfect parent to them? A guilty parent is a good parent, because they really care about their children. So next time you are feeling bad, remember what a fantastic parent you are and also that you are not alone.

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