Between the ages of 13 and 18, your teenager will transform from a child that followed your lead and had everything done for him to a young adult, ready to take on life and live on his own. He will have to decide on what profession he wants to pursue, which college to go to, and what path he will pursue in life.

Where is your teenager today, and where do you want her to be when she graduates high school? Think for a minute about this tremendous change. Reflect on all the various areas in which she will have to gain experience, and the decisions that she will have to learn to make.

Your son or daughter will have to learn everything from washing clothes to earning a living to handling personal relationships. They will have to decide if they will go to college, what their field of study will be, what profession they want to pursue, and which college to go to. They will get a driver?s license, and will start going their own way instead of going along with the rest of the family.

During these five years parents have the unique opportunity to give their teenager more and more responsibility and allow them to make more and more decisions about their lives. They need to grow more independent with each day.

As parents, we will be there for them if they fail or make a wrong choice. We need to be careful not to underestimate our teenager and, at the same time, not to ask too much of them too soon, thus discouraging them from making decisions. We need to give them enough space to develop, while standing by to help. We need to encourage and support them, and teach them that what they do will affect their future life.

When your child was five years old, you could hold onto their hand and safely lead them everywhere in life. You had this wonderful child who listened to you, followed your instructions with little or no complaining, and never gave you any serious trouble. They enjoyed taking part in family outings, camping trips, and vacations. They were always ready to go out for ice cream, a walk together, or even to the mall with the entire family. Your daughter wanted to help with household chores, do the laundry and cleaning, or look after younger siblings. Your son loved washing the car, mowing the grass, and bringing in the groceries. He was proud to help and be your ?little man.?

Once these same children reach adolescence, you find yourself begging them to go places with the family. As soon as your teen gets into the car with you, she begins complaining about you or her life, and how miserable everything in her world is. In just a few minutes of being within the same five-foot radius of one another, the two of you are already in an argument.

There may have been times you regretted asking your teen to join you on your daily activities. No matter where you go, or what you do, your teen seems to find something to complain about. You are purchasing the wrong items, the whole trip is ?so ridiculous,? you are just the worst parent ever, and he hates his life!

Instead of getting frustrated or angry, remember that every teenager does this. Teens everywhere believe their life is just a depressing, revolting state of time and they wish everything from their parents, to their friends, to their clothes, to their body, was different.

You have tried to teach your child right from wrong. You tried to teach him social skills and to be responsible for his actions. You were always able to get along and had so much fun when you went out together, no matter what the activity was. Suddenly and without warning, you have to deal with an obstinate, argumentative and rebellious teenager. No matter what you do or how hard you try, you are unable to connect on any level with your child. You find yourself asking what you did wrong, where did your sweet baby go, and where did this hostile teenager come from?

Your child?s world, as he knows it, has ended. When your child entered puberty, an alarm clock went off in his mind, waking him from the comfort of being a child.

Up until now, she had the simple life of being your little child who had the luxury of you thinking for her, making decisions for her, and scheduling her daily activities. Instead of having to think and make decisions for herself, she just had to follow your orders and do whatever she was told.

You made sure he got up in time, and didn?t miss the bus to school. You drove him to his recreational activities and stayed to watch or cheer him on. You also got him home safely afterwards.

Once their bodies begin to change and that alarm clock signals the beginning of adulthood, teenagers begin to reject all the things they relate to their childhood and being a child. They no longer want parents to do things for them, or to be at their sports events. They stop following parents? advice because, in their minds, that would be the same as still being a child and not a growing adult.

Like a string that has been cut and bounces up and down a few times before settling, your teenager?s emotions will go up and down constantly, until they have figured out who they are and where they are in life. Your teenager will begin leaving their childhood practices and try to work more on their adult life situations. They are learning to be more independent, and will try to discover and recognize their individual personality.

We parents sometimes think that this is a stage of life where what we say and do will have no affect. That is not necessarily true. It is more important now than ever to show your teenager love and support. Show your teen that he has a wonderful support system that will always be there for him no matter what.

Your support lessens the chances that she will make a mistake. Even if she does have a lapse in judgment, your support will let her immediately come to you before any part of the situation gets worse.

A teenager who is confident in your support will think situations through more clearly, be less prone to any form of peer pressure, and will therefore get into less trouble than a teenager who feels that he must deal with everything on his own.

Christina Botto has been involved with helping parents and teenagers resolve complicated issues for more than 14 years, observing and developing parenting strategies. Her dedication to helping parents inspired her to write her book, ?Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-step Guide for Parents that Works.? http://www.helpwithteenagers.com/parentinghandbook.html

Christina continues to help parents and their teens through her website http://www.helpwithteenagers.com

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