One of the more difficult parts of parenting a child with autism, and something that can be hard to talk about, is the embarrassment you may feel about your childs behavior. As parents, were not supposed to feel embarrassed about our children, yet were also taught that children should behave, and if they dont, its probably a result of faulty parenting.

This belief system can be very disempowering, especially for a parent of a child with autism, because its impossible to control everything your child does. At those times when your child is acting strangely or falling apart, you can feel embarrassed or angry about the judgment you may feel from others. As a result, you may feel pressure to do something against your instincts, such as punish your child, just to save face, to look like youre in control, or to assuage your anger.

In reality, just like the sadness issue, how you feel about others opinions is completely up to you. Believe it or not, you can choose to feel however you like when your child throws a tantrum in the mall. You dont have to feel unhappy just because your child is unhappy, or because others may judge you or your child. Its possible to empathize with your child in the situation while remaining happy and calm, or at least neutral and calm.

Next time youre in such a situation, ask yourself this question- "Which attitude would best serve me, my child, and this situation? Happy and calm, or embarrassed and angry?" My guess is that happy and calm would be the better choice in most situations, but ultimately your mindset is up to you. You cannot be influenced by others opinions, your childs feelings, or anything else, unless you decide that you can.

Now lets turn for a moment to the person who is judging your child. This is someone who is judging a child with special needs. What exactly does that say about them? In reality, their judgment doesnt define you or your child at all. Instead, their judgment defines them as someone who needs to judge. It has nothing to do with you or your child.

If your child could do better right now, he would. In time he will do better, no matter whats happening at this moment. If you choose happiness instead of embarrassment, you can best support your child when he needs you most, even while hes falling apart at the mall.

About the Author

Sandra Sinclair is a parent of a child with PDD-NOS. She is author of "Newly Diagnosed Autism Spectrum"- A free mini-course with 7 clear steps you can take to help your child. http://www.autismvoice.com/blog/7StepstoHelpChildrenwithAutism