Lying infuriates adults. The funny thing is, though, that it is the adults that often set the child up. It goes like this:

Mother has just heard that Greg was throwing stones at someone:

"Hi Greg, what have you been doing today?" [Why would I tell you if you dont know for sure?]

"Like what? I havent been doing anything", he says innocently and looked a bit confused.

"Did you throw stones at that new girl?" [Hmm, maybe I can get away with this.]

"No.", he answers, startled that you could think such a thing of him.

"Well Mavis says you did."

"It was some other kid. I wouldnt do that." [Shell believe me over some nosy neighbour!]

"She seems pretty sure it was you."

"Shes crazy, it wasnt me!"

First Mum tempts him to lie to wriggle out of it, and she corners him with the lie. It is showdown time. What will Mum do? Is she confident that Mavis is totally reliable? Or is there some shadow of doubt? Greg seems to be pretty insistent, what if it was some other kid? If she lets him off, she will have to apologise for doubting him. If she convicts him, it will be double punishments, one for lying and one for throwing stones.

Since most kids lie to stay out of trouble, its up to you to promote truth and honesty. Dont tempt them to tell more lies. You have to make it beneficial for incriminating himself, instead of letting him off the hook. Lay a foundation of truth telling and honesty for your whole family. This means you cant lie either. Watch your children for honesty, and reward them when they are. Keep talking about how valuable honesty is as well as a good reputation. Show them that honesty is great and that it will be rewarded.

Then, when you do suspect your children of some misdemeanor, stay calm.

If you know for sure that he is guilty, dont tempt him to lie by asking him if he did it. Give him the details that you know and punish him.

You can also ask him to tell you the truth. Here is an example that wont giver him the option to lie about it:

"Hi Greg, I was talking with Mavis this afternoon, and she told me about something that she saw. I would like to hear your version. Why dont you go away and think it over for 15 minutes. Dont forget how much we value honesty in our home."

This will give Greg a chance to think things over. He can dig a bigger hole for himself, or he can be honest and face the consequences. If he tells you the truth, praise him for his honesty. If he chooses to lie, even after thinking about it, then you must double his punishment. He has now both lied and thrown stones at someone, and there are consequences for both.

When things quiet down, sit down with Greg and talk about what feelings may have led up to the incident. Maybe he was angry, envious, or insecure. Tell him that those feelings are natural and okay to feel, but that still doesnt excuse behaving badly. Be patient with him. He wont be willing to talk with you until he knows that you arent going to get excited and yell at him.

About the Author

Dr. Noel Swanson runs a very interesting free newsletter on childrens behavior, so if you could do with some tips for dealing with your children it might be worth a visit. Also visit here for more parenting articles.