In todays society we are seeing more and more young adults either remaining in or returning to their parents homes. The latter have become known as the "Boomerang Generation". This simply refers to young adults who are moving back home to their parents homes; and they are definitely on the rise. The reasons will vary from family to family but the consequences are quite predictable. The relationship can end up being either unhealthy and stressful or pleasant and fulfilling depending on how it is handled.

There are a variety of reasons young adults choose to live at home. Some do so for financial support, security, and the company of their parents. Some want to save for their future while others enjoy services that are provided by parents such as housework, meals, cleaning, or washing. Others stay because they decide to study and cannot afford to live away. Many times adult children chose to return home as the result of a crises, such as loss of job, unexpected expenses, a retreat from pressures of adulthood and its responsibilities, or because of a relationship breakdown, emotional, drug or alcohol related problems. On the flip side, sometimes children return home to care for an ailing parent. Whatever the cause, there are advantages as well as disadvantages in these circumstances.

As in all family dynamics there are certain consequences when an adult child is living in their parents home. They run the gamut from extremely stressful and damaging to rewarding and fulfilling. Parents with grown children who have returned sometimes say that they preferred the empty nest to the re-filled nest. Having children return often lowers the parents life satisfaction, increases stress and causes conflict, because both the parents and the young people have been independent and often want to do things differently from before. The situation can become even more difficult if parents still think of their young adults as "children". On the other hand it could be seen as a good opportunity to learn new ways to relate to the young person as an adult.

It is now time for parents to take on a new role with their children. It is no longer time to treat them as a child but as an adult sharing their home. When that parent/child relationship can evolve into an adult/adult relationship, something very fine and rewarding is accomplished. Remember, adult children have the right to choose how much they eat or sleep, how they dress, who they choose as friends and lovers, what occupation they pursue and how they spend their money. They are entitled to the rights and privileges of an adult. Of course you must still set healthy boundaries. If any of these things directly affect your lifestyle it is time to negotiate, not about their choices, but about how they are impacting on living together and what is needed for you all to be comfortable.

It is critical at this time to give them understanding, encouragement, and respect while expecting the same in return. Out of this respect grows an appreciation for the other person as an individual with needs, feelings, expectations and anxieties. As children pass into adulthood, the time for independence for both parents and children is very important for a healthy parent/adult relationship.

When conflict arises adult to adult expectations need to be spelled out. It must be made clear how much "rent" is reasonable, who will shop for groceries, who will cook and do other chores, who will pay bills, expectations regarding guests in the home, and conditions for respecting each others privacy. Both sides need a clear understanding of what the other requires. Next you will need to sit down and negotiate with your child. Sometimes writing things in the form of a contract which everyone signs makes things clearer and will prevent future misunderstandings. Most importantly, always keep the line of communication open.

There are many wonderful things about living with your adult children. Only open and honest communications can assure a functional relationship which is full of love, respect, freedom and responsibility. When you share rather than force your wisdom on your adult children you can change your relationship for the better.

By: Carol Sellinger

About the Author

I have a degree in Psychology with a particular passion and emphasis on family issues. I am certified as a Parenting Instructor with Positive Parenting, S.T.E.P. Parenting (also called Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) and Active Parenting. I also have my own company named Positive Effective Parenting (P.E.P.).