Hey, Little Liar! Kids Who Lie…

Posted on 11. Mar, 2009 by The-Cute-Kid Photo Contest in Development, Parenting, Toddlers, Tweens

Little liars and the parents who love them.

By Jarrod Thalheimer

Children fib, obfuscate and distort the truth with a zeal that can only be instinctual. Some lie a little, some lie a lot, but they all do it because it works. Where does this come from? What can we do about it? Are we simply doomed to being forever treated like some “heard-it-all-before cop” pulling over speeders?

Maybe George Washington couldn’t tell a lie, but he was definitely in the minority when it came to the rest of the young men living nearby. It can be expected that as the future father of America was dusting off his funny pants and owning up to whacking down that cherry tree, every other local punk was lying his britches off about swiping their dad’s tobacco stash, scoring the hubcaps from the buggies parked in town, or tipping over an occupied outhouse or two.

Kids lie. It’s what they do. And we know this because we lie too. That’s why it’s so gosh darn easy to catch the little candy-suckers doing it.

Good Liars Aren’t Made, They’re Born

When I was seven or eight, my father owned a convenience store. Determined to get rich, I asked for advice. Dad suggested I search the streets for soda bottles to trade for the deposit. Energized, I found the first couple so easily I was convinced millions lay ahead. Unfortunately, discarded soda bottles proved pretty hard to come by. Frustrated and discouraged, I gave up and snuck into the back room where my dad stored all the returned bottles he’d already reimbursed folks for. I grabbed some and brought them to the front counter. My father eyed them suspiciously.

“Where’d you get these?”

“I found them.”

“Did you get them from the storeroom?”

Apparently my silence, and the pristine cleanliness of the bottles, gave me away. After a rather amplified dissertation on the value of hard work and telling the truth, I was once again sent on my way.

The next 25 bottles I presented apparently passed muster because I collected the money without incident. Still, my father played detective and followed me out and around the building where he discovered my illicit operation: several cases of clean bottles from his storeroom, one soupy mud puddle, and a blanket to dry my now muddied “hand-ins” to ensure their sufficiently scruffy appearance. After he stopped laughing, my enterprise was abruptly shut down.

Lying Is Almost Never Random… Self-Preservation Trumps Conscience

Kids know that the shortest line between getting into trouble and making it all go away is a well-placed lie.

Michelle from Vancouver was babysitting for her neighbor’s children. The evening passed more or less uneventfully and once the kids’ parents returned, she said her goodbyes and went home thinking all was well. Months passed and she was surprised to have never been asked to baby-sit again. It took a chance meeting at the grocery store when this same neighbor accused her of rummaging through their drawers while they were out that night.  As my friend’s face burned tomato red and her mouth dropped several inches below her knees, she knew what had happened. The kids went exploring and then blamed her for the mess when mom and dad discovered it. Talk about ruthless!

My younger sister, Krista, recounts the fun she has sneaking up on her kids and catching them in the act when they’re busy at something they absolutely shouldn’t be doing. “There they stand, guilty as all get out, as I demand to know whose idea it was,” she explains. “Without hesitation, everyone present points to the youngest one in the room – the baby that hasn’t learned to talk yet – knowing full well I won’t yell at the baby and that poor little guy can’t even defend himself anyway.” The fact that the baby had nowhere near the manual dexterity nor the physical strength required to force a Swiffer handle, two combs, four Yahtzee dice, and a tube of toothpaste through the laundry room floor drain is beside the point. Kids will stick to a lie like jam on a couch.

If You Want to Win This War, You Better Plan Your Attack

So we know the little ones lie, but what to do? Each kid has their own set of tells, or signals that prove they are lying through their rapidly disappearing first set of teeth. And while you have to pay attention to find out what your little liar’s tells are, here’s a few tips to help you along:

1. Liars fidget
2. Liars touch their faces constantly
3. Liars often forget or mix-up the details
4. Liars can’t look you in the eye
5. Liars look down or away when they try to remember details

Mastering these tips is a must, especially as the kids age. What may seem easy to spot now will require the expertise of a hardened CIA agent by the time they hit their teens. Also, don’t forget the guilt. Reminding your kids how proud you are of them when they tell you the truth or how much you appreciate the trust they have in you will guilt them into confessing nearly any lie left hanging in the air for more than a few minutes.

They say the truth will set you free. So if we want these miniature squatters to buy into the authenticity of honesty, we better make bloody sure we’re setting a good example  Remember, every lie you catch them in is one more they’re going to be looking to nail you on later. It seems to suggest that maybe the reason kids lie is to somehow force us into being more honest versions of ourselves. Could this really be true?

If so, it sure makes it plenty hard to get too mad at them now doesn’t it?

SIDEBAR

Top 3 Children’s Lies

“I didn’t do it!” – Casey, 4 years old. A staple. When in doubt, he denies it.

“He did it!” – Monaco, 7 years old. Classic misdirection. Effective but often fails due to lack of proof.

“You did it!” – Calvin, 4 years old (my son). Extremely sophisticated method of placing the accuser on the defensive while taking control. Future politi

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