2. Give responsibility
Giving your child jobs to do around the house helps them feel valuable. It also
teaches them adult skills. Assign your child chores that they must accomplish everyday.
As they complete their chores they will acquire a feeling of self-worth and confidence
in their abilities. Have your child help you with the dishes. Even my two-year-old
puts her plate in the sink after she is finished eating. My four-year-old loves to
help me fold laundry. My six-year-old has to make his bed and keep his room clean. All of
my children help me clean up toys. My children also love to help dad wash the cars.

3. Don’t label
One of the worst things a parent can do is to label their child. Yet it is so easy to
do. I found myself often saying in a teasing tone that my youngest child was a “stinker” or
“little monster.” I realized my labeling was impacting not my daughter but my son when I heard
him telling his sister that she was a “monster.” As parents we need to be careful that we give
our child positive labels that reflect inner personality traits.

Sometimes parents focus on the physical traits of a child. Either saying that they are
beautiful or a certain trait is ugly, like having big feet or a nose that is too large.
Focusing on our child’s physical characteristics whether good or bad teaches them that looks
are what matter.

4. Encourage talents
Write down all of the things that your child is good at. Then choose one thing that
your child wants to pursue. It could be as simple as taking your child to the library
each week because they like to and are good at reading. Or you could enroll your child in
sports, child dance class, drama, art, or music class. The goal is to provide a positive experience for
your child and allow them to excel at something.

5. Listen
Let your child know they are important by really listening to them. Get down on
eye level and give them your complete attention. If your child feels that you are not
listening they will stop talking. They will feel that their opinions and feelings are not
valued. And if a child feels that their own parent won’t listen to them then they will
believe that no one else will want to listen either.

6. Establish routines
When you have set routines and a home that is predictable your child will feel more
secure. Your child will be less likely to be afraid to venture out into the world when
they know they can come home to a secure and loving environment. Having established routines
helps your child understand what is expected of them and reach those expectations thus
increasing their confidence.

7. Address your child by name
Calling your child by name shows that you value them and that you feel that they are
important enough to address by name. Using your child’s name gives them a label that they can
wear proudly. When my son was younger he would go up to people and proudly say, “I’m Tyler.” He
knew who he was. Children who are confident will address others by their name more frequently.
They are unafraid to address others by name and will be better able to ask for help.

8. Play with your child
Parents playing with children helps build their self-confidence because it shows
them their parents enjoy being with them. Children learn through play and one of the many
things they can learn is confidence. Play is a great time to role-play and praise your
child. Playing with your child and allowing them to dictate the play gives them a feeling
of importance and accomplishment. My girls love to play dolls or have a tea party with mommy
and my son likes to pretend to go camping and play board games.

9. Set rules and consequences
Children need to have set rules and consequences. This helps them feel valued and
secure. A child who is required to follow rules will realize that their parents
love them enough to set and enforce rules. Interestingly enough one study found that few
teenagers wished their parents had established fewer rules, but many teenagers wished
there parents had given more rules.

10. Be a positive mirror
How your child perceives herself is based largely upon how you perceive your child. Do
you reflect negative or positive images? Does you child know that her opinions matter to
you? Does he think that you enjoy being with him? Providing positive reflections of your
child helps him feel good about himself. It is also important to help your child realize that
you value them because of who they are not just how they perform.

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